DIRECTOR RICHARD FLEISCHER SECONDS 'CONAN THE DESTROYER'

Title: CONAN THE DESTROYER Year: 1984 Rating: ***1/2

John Milius's CONAN THE BARBARIAN was a passion project for the ruggedly raucous auteur, who loved Robert E. Howard's short stories but with Oliver Stone's overlong and brooding, revenge-driven Spaghetti Western-inspired script, there was hardly anything Howardesque about it despite becoming a rabid cult phenomenon...

And journeyman director Richard Fleischer's far more mainstream and conventional and therefore fan-maligned CONAN THE DESTROYER, replacing exploitive ultra-violence with a more family-oriented, comic book inspired, horse-ridden road movie appeal, actually embodies Howard's original Gothic tales by simply involving a constant handing-off of adventurous tasks and battles that includes good old fashion pre-computerized monster suits and, shot in Mexico, while the landscapes look a bit too clean, the interior sets are both lavish and formidable...

Arnold Schwarzenegger in CONAN THE DESTROYER Wilt Chamberlain, Mako & Tracey Walter

As for the characters, Conan's cowardly sidekick Tracey Walter, an offbeat character-actor mostly used sparingly as quirky burnouts or bizarre thugs, seems more befitting a Saturday Morning cartoon, marring both suspense and urgency in action sequences, while 1980's fad Grace Jones's mere presence is now horribly dated, providing Wilt Chamberlain the most fleshed-out of Conan's overcrowded traveling troupe...

Since, as a loyal bodyguard, he's neither good or bad, despite working for evil queen Sarah Douglas, who wants ingenue princess Olivia D'Abo to be virgin-sacrificed by the end of Conan's chore to keep her protected... 

Arnold Schwarzenegger in CONAN THE DESTROYER

And it's the random perilous attempts that make DESTROYER a decent enough ride, providing an-ever shirtless Arnold Schwarzenegger enough reason to flex his savagely savvy, muscular prowess...

Especially being that the deliberately basic plot's to simply get through dangerous situations alive — serious enough business to where the inserted PG-rated humor's simply not needed, and can do more harm than good: yet for a pulp-adapted sword-and-sandal Barbarian yarn, it shouldn't be joyless either. 

Arnold Schwarzenegger in CONAN THE DESTROYER with Olivia d'Abo

Grace Jones in CONAN THE DESTROYER

Richard Fleischer's CONAN THE DESTROYER

Sarah Douglas in CONAN THE DESTROYER

Olivia d'Abo in CONAN THE DESTROYER

Arnold Schwarzenegger in CONAN THE DESTROYER

Arnold Schwarzenegger in CONAN THE DESTROYER

Arnold Schwarzenegger in CONAN THE DESTROYER

Olivia d'Abo in CONAN THE DESTROYER

Arnold Schwarzenegger in CONAN THE DESTROYER with Pat Roach

Arnold Schwarzenegger in CONAN THE DESTROYER with Grace Jones