CROWN INTERNATIONAL PICTURES EXPLOITATION OF 'THE VAN'

One of the coolest title fonts in the seventies for THE VAN Year: 1977

For a couple of guys who seem like Black Sabbath or Blue Öyster Cult fans, the bad country music never stops playing, but that's THE VAN by Crown International Pictures, a wall-to-wall goofy soundtrack of one young geek's journey into loose sex and vehicular savvy, as the main song croons of a Chevy Van, which his isn't: but the yellow color stands out, and the water bed breaks after one lucky screw that may not have even happened...

As much of the film has creatively shot daydream sequences of our underdog hero Stuart Goetz, the same kid that Marcia Brady didn't date when jock Nicholas Hammond told her "Something suddenly came up" on THE BRADY BUNCH. Here he's a car washer (another CAR WASH influence) under a sporadically cast Danny DeVito, one year before playing grouchy dispatcher Louie DePalma on TAXI. Funny thing, DeVito's character sits in just as tight a space, giving orders, although he's an affable (if crooked) fellow here.

Pinball girl Jane Mudrick with Stuart Goetz in THE VAN Rates: ***1/2

Most of the picture takes place around the suburbs and outskirts of the L.A. Valley that includes the beach where a gathering of vans are shown for the mere exploitation of those vehicles, which this drive-in flick's not only named after but is exploiting from its popularity in an era of hot rods and scantily clad summer girls, including hot blonde Connie Hoffman hooked with a token muscular bully (who drives a fitfully dark van).

But the ingenue here's an uptight girl-next-door played by Deborah White, and yet her quirky friend, FADE TO BLACK quirky friend Marcie Barkin, is even more cute and effective: the girl of our guy's best friend Harry Moses, who doesn't do much but hear about his buddy's misadventurous conquests that, unfortunately, are spoken of more than actually experienced. For what THE VAN is in droves, it also misses out on: A circular road movie where the sky could have been the limit but is, for the most part, just a another backdrop. Still though, Quentin Tarantino is a VAN addict, and it is an addictive little ride.

Connie Hoffman i.e. Connie Lisa Marie in THE VAN

Stuart Goetz in THE VAN

Stuart Goetz in THE VAN

Deborah White and Marcie Barkin in THE VAN

Deborah White and Marcie Barkin in THE VAN

Hanging out at the beach in THE Straight Arrow VAN

Van Nuys Blvd actor Bill Adler in THE VAN

Connie Hoffman in THE VAN with Stuart Goetz

Stuart Goetz in THE VAN

Danny Devito and Stuart Goetz in THE VAN

Marcie Barkin, Harry Morgan Moses, Stuart Goetz in THE VAN with Deborah White

Steve Oliver and Connie Hoffman in THE VAN

Jane Mudrick: Stop Pawing me! Stuart Goetz: I'm not pawing you, I'm loving you! from THE VAN

Jane Mudrick: Stop Pawing me! Stuart Goetz: I'm not pawing you, I'm loving you! from THE VAN

Connie Hoffman and Stuart Goetz in THE VAN

Steve Oliver bullies Stuart Goetz in THE VAN

Danny DeVito rehearses for Taxi in THE VAN

Stuart Goetz in THE VAN

Harry Morgan Moses and Stuart Goetz and his cool Van T-shirt in THE VAN

Super Cute Marcie Barker and Harry Morgan Moses in THE VAN