REBOOT OF TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES

year: 2014 rating: **

In this modern computer-generated era where just about any franchise can get a fresh and vibrant reboot, the TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES have two particular challenges…

First they must regain a young audience, which won’t be difficult given all the obnoxious merchandising, and at the same time convince adults they can be taken seriously...

In that, producer Michael Bay sets an edgy stage where assassins terrorize New York while an equally serious-minded reporter keeps on their trail… And it’s Megan Fox’s intrepidly curious April O’Neil who not only discovers (and has to repeatedly convince coworkers of) the ninja turtles, she had something to do with their upbringing...

To get into the backstory is a waste of time and takes up over half the movie… The other half consists of several high-octane action sequences, resulting in a typical beat-the-clock doomsday threat that will either bore or scare kids to death. So the main problem occurs as two mediums collide...

While the plot feels straight out of a mainstream espionage/disaster flick, the titular heroes are so banal and downright embarrassing, they seem like hyperactive video game characters who crashed their own party. Kind of a shame, given that the new look – with grim expressions and limitless karate skills – has crossover potential. 

Perhaps if the story was more fun like the original 90's flicks, the boys could rise above the camp instead of dragging everyone and everything to their level. Compared to the new moronic antics and dialogue, including a rap song and distracting pop culture references (mostly spouted by an annoying Michelangelo), even the nostalgically uttered "Cowabunga" seemed legitimate.