THE MUPPETS MOST WANTED

year: 2014 rating: *1/2

Thank Goodness for Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, a scientist anal enough to remember, during the opening MUPPETS MOST WANTED song about the idea of making a sequel, that in fact there are now seven films including their first motion picture, THE MUPPET MOVIE, created under the brilliant, watchful eyes of the late Jim Henson… So it’s good to know someone else remembers the Muppets aren’t a new concept…

The 1978 original was a road trip introduction to the eclectic gang, and they wound up making a movie in Hollywood at the end of that particular story... This was followed by THE GREAT MUPPET CAPER, a mystery spoof taking place in England… And in 2011, the MUPPETS reboot had the gang traveling to Los Angeles to put on a stage show and now, like CAPER, they’re traipsing throughout Europe, also spoofing the crime genre: this time with a surreptitious heavy actually named Bad Guy, played by Ricky Gervais, but the real villain is Kermit himself… Well not exactly…

The main plot has Bad Guy teaming with an escaped Russian frog, Constantine, almost identical to Kermit, who winds up putting a fake facial mole on the loveable croaker and then covering his own so that Kermit is falsely accused and sent to the same Siberian Gulag that Constantine escaped from... Meanwhile, the Muppets are being led by this awkward impostor, who winds up wooing Miss Piggy into marriage, and somehow their stage plays, despite misdirection and unstructured skits, are selling out everywhere…

The real shock is with so many cooks in the kitchen, nothing really gets accomplished… And while the Muppets are known for their songs, turning each movie into an adventurous musical, the tunes here seem more like distractions from lack of plot than singing-dialogue to carry the story, which worked especially good in THE MUPPET MOVIE… Does the tune “Moving Right Along” ring a bell? Well in fact those songs did move things along… But now the numbers, all uncatchy and completely forgettable, feel intrusive and downright annoying.  

A schnooky cameo

For nostalgic Muppet fans, the limited screen time of classic characters such as Gonzo, Beaker, Swedish Chef and just about everyone except Kermit, Fozzy, Piggy and Animal, is annoying and unforgivable… But worse yet is that Jason Segal, who starred in the original reboot and doesn't show up at all, has left behind his awful human Muppet brother Walter, a weak replacement for Scooter, who, like just about everyone else including that funky rock band, are merely wallpaper.

The famous co-stars besides Gervais include Tina Fey as the Gulag head guard and Ty Burrell as a European detective, the latter joining Sam the Eagle. These humans try really hard but there’s not enough story for them to matter. And the cameos range from Ray Liotta and Danny Trejo as Russian inmates and a mixed bag other celebs thrown in for good, or in this case, pointlessly boring measure.

But the real crime is that Kermit doesn't sound anything like himself at all, and that's not only when he's being purposely imitated by the villain... providing two bad impersonations in a single motion picture: We sure do miss you, Jim!