FREE BIRDS

year: 2013 cast: Owen Wilson, Woody Harrelson, George Takei, Keith David, Amy Poehler rating: *1/2

It’s been a while since history class… Was Miles Standish, one of the original Plymouth Rockers, as much a tyrant as General George Custer? Well he is here in this time-traveling kiddie flick about a couple of turkeys going to the past, days before the first Thanksgiving, to make sure Turkeys are off the menu: Owen Wilson, using his signature surfer deadpan, becomes the laidback blue turkey that doesn’t fit in with the others. He's a surprise choice, picked by the President of the United States resembling a square-jawed superhero with Bill Clinton’s voice, to be the one turkey pardoned for his rambunctiously spoiled daughter…

Soon enough Reggie is abducted by Woody Harrelson’s alpha male Turkey, Jake, from a charmed life in Camp David… A good bulk of the first half takes place inside the spacey underground where the President keeps a top secret time machine... When Jake and Reggie thwart the President’s guards, there’s a whole lotta mindlessly entertaining action… But when they enter the Pilgrim era inside an egg-shaped vessel (voiced by George Takei), the film doesn’t progress… The duo meet up with a band of turkeys holed up underground – despite being targeted for the upcoming dinner, they live a safe and secluded existence. Reggie meets his too-perfect love interest while, on the outside, the evil Miles Standish plans the upcoming slaughter...

Children will yawn and adults will sigh as the next hour deals with the turkeys, liken to Native Americans battling evil white men. But that’s giving the bickering second act way too much credit… Even the action sequences are tedious and dull, mainly because our heroes deserve to be eaten – which would at least shut them up...