NEW YEAR'S EVE

title: NEW YEARS EVE
year: 2011
cast: Michelle Pfeiffer, Robert DeNiro, Abigail Breslin
rating: *

What director Robert Altman perfected… an ensemble cast carrying an entire film through a weaving in-and-out of several stories, some connected more than others but all enveloped in one main theme… Garry Marshall has ruined, twice. First with VALENTINE’S DAY, which followed a group of lovestrucks leading up to the Hallmark holiday – and now we have NEW YEAR’S EVE where a group of eclectic idiots await the New Year countdown in New York City… And unlike its cheesy predecessor, it’s not even fun to bag on. The special guest stars are introduced like members of THE LOVE BOAT: these include Michelle Pfeiffer, sadly looking far past her prime, as a depressed working gal who quits her job and with the help of flavor of the month Zac Efron, she’s given a tour of the city to accomplish her strange resolutions. Also on board is Hillary Swank as the person responsible for raising the New Year’s ball. Sara Jessica Parker as the mother of the now teenaged LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE actress Abigail Breslin, who longs to kiss her dreamboy at midnight. There’s Robert DeNiro in yet another “what’s he doing in this movie?” role as a dying man in a hospital; his last wish to go outside to make the countdown. Ashton Kutcher and “that girl from Glee” are stuck in an elevator, and wouldn’t you know it – she sings! Two couples race to have a baby on the New Year to win a contest. And Jon Bon Jovi plays himself – but with another name – as a rock star who’s ex girlfriend sulks around and… There’s really no use of setting up these stories since none of them amount to anything, and worst of all, they all begin with an assumption that we, as an audience, would care in the first place.