THE TOURIST

title: THE TOURIST

year: 2010 cast: Johnny Depp, Angelina Jolie, Steven Berkoff, Timothy Dalton rating: **

In one scene, Angelina Jolie, as a British secret agent, glides into a lush Italian hotel bedroom, and Johnny Depp, as a timid American math teacher, after having second thoughts of joining her, sits on a couch and starts reading an espionage novel. That’s what this movie feels like – watching one thing when you’d be better off reading another. The plot has Jolie choosing train-riding tourist Depp (resembling Billy Crystal with a grunge Beethoven pompadour) as a red herring: knowing the government has their eyes on her every move. They’re waiting for her to connect with a mystery man wanted for stealing billions from a billionaire. So the agents sweat behind computer monitors, trying to keep villainous Steven Berkoff, who wants his money back, from killing her. There are only a few quick action scenes, the chemistry between the sleepwalking leads is nonexistent, and the twist ending is not only predictable, but delivers one of the dumbest final bouts of dialog (during the last twenty seconds) in cinematic history.